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Transformational Tip # 146 Making Room for Synchronicity
Do you make room for synchronicity in your life? In the 1920’s psychologist Carl Jung proposed synchronicity was a meaningful connection between seemingly random events. Recent quantum science discoveries suggest he may have been on to something. The problem is that in order for synchronicity to impact your life, you have to notice when it happens! For many with busy lives governed primarily by habit and rationalization, the deeper order of your life may be continually trying to get your attention without success. You won’t see it if you’re not looking.
Here’s the tip. The first step is to see if you’re open to the notion. Ask inside whether
you believe a deeper order of spiritual unfolding could be working within your life — outside of your conscious control. Notice your response. If it feels good, slow down to experience what happens in your heart, your lungs, your limbs. You can relax into the support such unfolding offers. If this doesn’t feel good, you may want to explore issues of control and trust. Or perhaps this notion simply doesn’t work for you. There’s no right answer. You get to choose how to live your life.
In any case, consider slowing down so you don’t miss magical moments. Give yourself
time for quiet, nature and meditation/yoga/Feldenkrais to increase awareness. Stay present for what’s happening here and now. Most importantly, keep moving toward the people, places and things that feel good and right. If you so choose, serendipity abounds!
Penelope Young Andrade LCSW
www.EmotionalMedicineRx.com
858-481-5752
Posted in Holidays, News & Media
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The latest research on decision making may surprise you
If you would like to make decisions more confidently, new research indicates you may want to look in a surprising place – your feelings. Apparently the pure rationality we’ve thought exclusively essential for good outcomes is not going to lead us to the best decisions unless we also check out ‘how it feels.’
Of course I, purveyor of things emotionally medicinal, loved learning that research is validating the important additional resource we have in the feelings embodied emotion reveals.
I happened upon this exciting research in Jonah Lehrer’s useful book, How We Decide. Lehrer describes how the best decision makers know how and when to use one or both sides of their brains – rational and/or emotional. It seems our rational brain is woefully limited in the number of factors it can compare and contrast at one time – only about 7 items. Your emotional brain, however, is like a super computer with instant access to an infinite array of data – everything you’ve ever experienced, seen, read, or heard about what you’re considering.
So whenever you’re faced with a familiar seeming decision, no matter how mundane or momentous, be sure, after looking at pros and cons, to drop awareness down into your body in the moment to see how each alternative feels. However, in situations you’ve never encountered before that’s the time to turn to your rational brain to ‘think up’ a completely novel solution. Lehrer has some amazing tales to tell about life saving ‘hunches’ and cogitation!
Now, this advice is easier to follow if what feels right is what also ‘thinks’ right. It’s trickier if what rationally looks like the right person to marry, job to take, or suitcase to buy doesn’t feel good but you can’t explain why. It may help to remember other decisions you made where you went with your gut and things turned out well, or went with your head and things turned out badly.
Knowing when to include and trust your feelings involves awareness and patience. Start small by including your emotional brain’s input on something inconsequential…you can always wait on those bigger decisions until things feel and think right.
~ Penelope
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Scientific Research and Emotional Medicine agree – memory doesn’t have to be painful
If you would like to get rid of painful memories, help is on the way. Scientists are now experimenting with removing memories from your brain. This is not an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind screenplay fantasy, but actual fact. As Jonah Lehrer describes in Wired Magazine there are people who have already had particularly traumatic memories removed from their brains using these new findings.
Now we don’t yet know the long term effects of this treatment on brain and personality… and it is not yet available at your corner drugstore, but these findings support methods I and other bodymind therapists are already using. (I love it when science catches up with something I know to be true from my years of clinical practice.)
Before describing things you can do now without this magic pill, I want to tell you a little more about this research. According to Lehrer, every time you “remember” something, your original memory is altered by feelings and thoughts in the present moment. Remembering is really re-constructing!
For example, if you are in a bad mood when you remember a painful memory, your current misery will impact that memory. It may even increase the pain of that already painful memory. Lehrer states, “The larger lesson is that because our memories are formed by the act of remembering them, controlling the conditions under which they are recalled can actually change their content.”
This is your cue! While you couldn’t control what happened in any original trauma or upset, you can now control the conditions under which you remember some past event. So, consider making a promise to yourself not to dwell or talk about painful memories when you are in a bad mood or feeling weak or numb. Instead focus first on body sensations to help restore your sense of strength and confidence. Shift awareness back and forth between sensations that feel good and those that don’t feel good and watch your body come alive again. If numbness persists, seek professional help (and try my free audio downloads, “Denumbing” and “Choosing Focus.”
When resourced and ready, find a friend to help you act or write out a new scenario in which you say what you wished you’d said, do what you wished you’d done, and/or brought in the support you needed. Welcome the sad, mad, scared feelings that inevitably arise as you renovate this memory. Notice how quickly emotions move through your body and leave you relaxed and revitalized. Finally, envision your new triumph. Let it be real! Feel it in your bones, your guts, your heart. In any case the memory book you’re rebuilding is one in which you not only survive, but thrive.
Penelope Young Andrade
Posted in Heal Anxiety & Depression, Newsletter
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Bounce back from life’s upsets – Enhance Your Resilience
Enhancing your resilience is important because adversity happens. Even though I’ve taken the est (Erhard Seminar Training), TM (Transcendental Meditation) training, Vipassana Training, walked on fire, meditate daily, set intentions, tried personally and trained professionally in almost every form of psychotherapy therapy available; I haven’t found anything to stop life from having its terrific and terrible way with me.
What I have discovered is that learning to bounce back from misery is the secret to moving gracefully through the inevitable slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Although genetic studies indicate our ability to recover is influenced partly by genes, what we do with our genetic inheritance makes all the difference. After a lifetime of healing heartbreak – my own and others, I’d like to share some ways I’ve found that help restore faith in ourselves and optimism about life.
First of all, it’s important to step back from blaming yourself. While it is all too human to ruminate about what must be wrong with you to have such a terrible thing happen, it is essential to shift your awareness from these kinds of thoughts, to the fact that you are hurting – now – and that you need support.
This is the second thing — seek support! When you’re wounded you need others. Our human programming leads us instinctively to reach out to others during crises. Set ego pride aside and find empathetic ears, sturdy shoulders, helping hands. It is more than okay to be comforted – it is essential for recovery.
Once you are connected and safe, the next thing is to feel what you’re feeling. Shift awareness to your body to sense what’s been triggered. If you’re frozen, you may need professional help to thaw out and feel the emotion flowing beneath any numbness. Whenever you’re ready, take a few minutes for tears and trembling. Drop to the floor to feel the flatness of despair. This feels horrible, I know. However, I also know that as an embodied experience it is temporary. Conversely, you may need to (responsibly and safely) stomp around, pound pillows and shout. In any case, notice how quickly emotion moves through you, completes its natural cycle and leaves your body peaceful and/or
energized.
Finally, and this is the really tricky part, stay out of your head. Whatever happened is surely a terrible story (At least it always is for me). There will be plenty of time later to figure out the learning. For now, it’s crucial to look carefully and continually for the smallest signs of renewal…an unexpected laugh, a friendly connection, a brief blip of buoyancy. You’ll likely be surprised to see this happens sooner and more often than you imagined possible. Like seeds in eternal springtime, resilience is always there—growing steady and sure—poking new shoots through the crust of any desolation and gently, lovingly inviting you back to life.
Penelope Young Andrade
April Newsletter 2012
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Tagged awareness, empathy, faith, healing, optimism, recover, resilience, safety, support, upsets
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Cry when you’re sad, stop when you’re done, feel good fast! Learn to let your body lead — a note from Emotional Medicine Rx.
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Water Solves Anxiety & Confusion
As a therapist who specializes in managing anxiety and depression without medication, I love reading about simple, free, no side effects solutions to increase well being. Who knew a few glasses of water could help relieve anxiety and alertness! Scott Lafee’s Wellnews describes research completed in England which describes how being dehydrated by as little as 20 ounces of water can majorly mess with your mood. For women dehydration led to fatigue, tension and anxiety; for men it led to problems with alertness and memory. Next time you’re feeling jittery or mentally foggy check your fluid intake. While you’re at it check your overall nutrition for appropriate balance of protein, good fats, and carbs.
I can not tell you the number of times clients have come in for sessions in states of acute mental distress and upset. One of the things I ask very early on is, “What have you eaten today?” I am never surprised when I hear things like I haven’t eaten yet today or I’ve only some fruit, or just some toast. I’m not saying these clients were making up their problems. They were definitely facing real issues, but they didn’t realize that some of their sense of overwhelm was the result of the many negative mood changes that occur in your body and brain when you’re not fed and watered.
Your brain and your nervous system need to be nourished. If you don’t eat or drink what you need, your body scrambles to handle the alarms going off inside about not having enough resources to do its many jobs. This can all too easily translate into alarm about something wrong with you, your relationships, your life. You may end up thinking you’re becoming a mental case when all you need is regular good eating and water drinking (according to this study that’s very much like the 8 X 8 oz glasses you’ve been hearing about for years.) If you take care of your bodymind it will take care of you!
Posted in Heal Anxiety & Depression
Tagged anxiety, confusion, diet, drink water, feed your brain, heal anxiety, healthy bodymind, nourishment, water
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Are you a prisoner of perfection?
I was watching American Idol the other day (a guilty pleasure) when one of the contestants was eliminated. She was sobbing as she said, “Every time I sang, they told me I was perfect. How could this happen?” If I could have answered her through the TV I would have said, yes, dear girl, you were technically perfect, but something was missing — some deeper quality of raw and rooted human-ness that would have touched my soul (and the judges’ souls.)
This got me thinking about the times I’ve gotten caught up trying to perfect. It was actually a relief to remember… oh yeah, perfection is not what really moves us. It’s some deeper, messier, more unpredictable movement of life’s beauty through another being.
So why do so many of us get caught on that hamster wheel of striving for perfection? One major reason is that just setting any goal of excellence (a healthy and achievable goal,) leaves us susceptible to the siren song of perfection. And what an enticing song that is. Come with me, perfection calls and I’ll protect you from feeling small and inadequate. Come with me and you can feel big and important. Pursue perfection and you, too, can be aligned with the gods.
My heart aches as I feel the wounds of unworthiness that can make us susceptible to this spell. Even the best parenting (which helps a lot) doesn’t shield us from the ignorant behavior of teachers and coaches that leave us feeling that we’re not good enough if we aren’t perfect. If you are reading this and recognize yourself in this dilemma, I offer tender support. You are not alone.
If you’re ready to get off of this wheel, it’s time to find support for being human, warts and all. Ask friends and family to remind you what they love about you which has nothing to do with you being perfect. If you have a hard time believing them, seek professional support.
Tears and anger may arise. (This is a good thing.) Shake a fist and stomp a foot (safely and responsibly) at the long hardship of trying so diligently to be so good. Feel vitality return as you do this.
Take solace in the lovely Japanese concept of Wabi Sabi – the art of finding beauty in imperfection. You can stop striving now. You can rest in the great comfort of knowing you are valuable, loveable and perfect just for being you, just as you are. I leave you now with a refrain from Leonard Cohen’s incredible song, Anthem:
“Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
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