Emotional Medicine RX

If you’re like most of us the relationship you have with your body is one of domination and control. You likely learned early on that you could override most body signals. You could put off eating, drinking water, moving your bowels, sleeping, exercising, resting, and expressing emotion. You could also override your body’s stop signals and eat, drink, party, watch too much TV or play too many video games. Of course at some point your body says: “Enough” and you may end up with physical or mental illness or worse. In Japan executives so regularly die from overwork that cause of mortality has it’s own name – “Karoshi”.

If you see yourself in any of the above descriptions, no blame! Dominating bodies is a worldwide problem. We have not been educated about the importance of listening to and cooperating with our bodies. And we’ve certainly not been taught how to let our bodies lead.

Affective neuroscience is now the focusing on the centrality of the living body and its emotional responses as a foundation for the neurobiological core self. Overriding body and emotional responses leads to a separation from the very core of our being.

But what’s a body to do? Dump anger at boss, spouse, child because you feel the anger rising? Dissolve into dysfunctional grief at the loss of love? Avoid a challenging new job, relocation because you can feel fear rising? Obviously the answer is not to trade one dominator (your mind) for another (your body.)

The solution is to create a new paradigm for body mind cooperation based in a particular kind of mindfulness. That is awareness that is at once fully Immanent (present in body experience) and Transcendent (distinct but not separate from body experience). Let’s call this I/T awareness for short.*

Learning to focus your attention on the blood, sweat and tears of your human experience while simultaneously staying connected to your ‘distinct’ awareness, puts you in position to make strategic choices for well being. You note your clenched teeth as the boss tells you to stay late, & make a plan to take Emotional Medicine later when you can do so safely and responsibly. With I/T awareness, you notice when you cry that your body is done in three minutes or less. And if you heed your body’s signals and stop when it is done, you feel confident and ready to take whatever action is required to restore well being.

Learning to let your body lead is a mindfulness practice. As such it brings benefits: increased grey matter and connections between brain cells, increased sense of calm and mastery. Like any mindfulness practice even a few moments of I/T awareness is infinitely greater than none. More importantly, letting your body lead enables you to embrace and cooperate with your core self as a vital, purposeful, integrated being connected to the body of the world.

*I am indebted to John Firman for his writing and clarity about the I/T Self.

You, like many, may be troubled by judgmentalness. Too often you find your mind overrun by a litany of criticism…of yourself and others. You’d like to let go of this, but you don’t know how.  Fortunately, the latest neuroscience research gives us some tantalizing clues. People who are in better touch moment by moment with what they are sensing and feeling in their bodies’, particularly their hearts, turn out to be more compassionate.

Here’s the tip. See if you’re ready to get out of your head. If not, no blame. It’s a big step to include your body’s experience in your awareness, especially if you’ve suffered emotional or physical trauma. Get support if necessary. If yes, shift the focus of your awareness from thoughts to sensations. Slow down and tune in to your heartbeat. Take your pulse to find the rhythm of life throbbing within. Observe if the beat is fast or slow. Resist any impulse to evaluate or worry. Just be here now…you with your heart…breathing. Next, place your hand on your heart to feel its warmth. Now is the time to be as self-centered as possible.

Finally, notice what it’s like to have this heart, your heart, tirelessly caring for you…doing it’s best for you…always.  Spend some time each day being there for yourself in this way. Watch as slowly and surely it becomes easier and easier to be there, you and your compassionate, unconditional heart, for yourself and others.

In this touching 4 minute clip with Conan, Louis CK invites us all to look for and welcome sad moments. He reminds us we are lucky to be sad and cry ‘like bitches’ because as soon as we stop crying true, profound happiness comes rushing in. Sound familiar? This is what my book Emotional Medicine Rx: Cry When You’re Sad, Stop When You’re Done, Feel Good Fast (EMRx) is all about! LA Times columnist Meghan Daum called C.K. a modern day ‘holy man’ and proposed that watching clips like these is a form of secular church going. In that case, I invite you to consider my book, EMRx, your ‘bible’ for learning how sad, mad, scared emotions can all be delivery systems for ‘true, profound, happiness’.

Dr. Peter Breggin and Ginger Breggin’s Empathic Therapy Conference in Syracuse was so inspiring! We were deeply touched by the stories of some of the survivors of Psychiatric abuse, and deeply grateful to hear of efforts in so many directions (legal, pediatric, parenting training) to support human beings in using natural resources (starting with empathy!) instead of medications to manage adult  and childhood issues of of anxiety, depression, psychosis, and ADHD.  I was horrified to learn that children as young as 3 years of age are given bi-polar diagnoses and meds and that prescribing meds for hyperactivity is the current norm regardless of the long term brain and body side effects.  The Breggins’ will soon offer a DVD series of the major speakers so you can be similarly inspired. Dr. Bert Koren who was this year’s Empathic Tx Honoree and Dr. Breggin were among the completely compelling speakers… describing how they work effectively and compassionately with deeply disturbed people.

I was also delighted to meet Lisbeth Cooper Riis and learn about the Cooper Riis Healing Community (www.cooperriis.org) she and her husband, through grit and grace have developed. This is a healing center where people with mental distress can go and reconnect with nature, with purposeful community participation, with the simple pleasure of growing, preparing and sharing healthy organic food. In addition creative art, movement, body, emotion and imaginal therapies are used to help restore residents’ health and happiness.

Are you ready to be your own good father? Good fathers protect, acknowledge and encourage. They teach the importance of taking responsibility and taking risks. They acknowledge fledgling efforts and cheer you at every impasse. If you were lucky enough to have such a dad, you have a good model to follow.  If you didn’t get enough of this attention as a child, you may be having a hard time achieving life goals now. Unfortunately, these adult difficulties often lead to self recrimination and blame.

Here’s the tip. First, see if you feel ready to take on fatherly responsibility for yourself. If not, no blame. Seek help from a compassionate and skilled professional.  If yes, start with a commitment to stop judging yourself. Then, make a daily list of the small, seemingly insignificant goals you achieve every day. Call it your ‘Already Done’ list.  Next, and this is very important, slow down enough to make sure you actually feel good about what you’re already doing. Sad, mad, scared emotions may arise as you take in the acknowledgment you deserve. Allow them to move briefly. If numb, breathe and be present with the experience of numbness in your body until it dissolves and you can feel again.

Finally, once peaceful, think carefully about your aspirations. If you have a big dream, chunk it into easily achievable actions….each one building on the next.

Remember, every long journey begins with a single step.  You can do it!