Getting Needs Met with Your Partner

Are you getting what you need in your primary relationship? If you’re like most, you’ve discovered getting needs met in love relationships can be tricky. One reason is an imbalance of power. Typically, one of the couple (for reasons of socioeconomic status, health status, parenthood status, and/or childhood trauma history) fears abandonment more than the other. The more fearful one is less likely to raise issues or ask directly for what they need. The more powerful one may feel lonely, or less ‘met’ by their partner. Both parties suffer as neither can fully trust the authenticity of the relationship. Deep love requires deep vulnerability.

Here’s the tip. First, check if you are ready to take your relationship to new levels of intimacy. If you have real-world survival concerns be sure you feel safe enough to address any imbalance. No blame for protecting yourself. Second, whether you are the more or less powerful person in the relationship see if you’re ready to get real with your partner about what you need. Suss out whether your partner would appreciate your bid for more awareness and truth telling. Couples counseling may help to ease communication.

Finally, acknowledge yourself! Sharing vulnerability is a big step. Seek sustenance from trusted friends and family. Sad, mad, scared, numb feelings may arise. Stay in your body as emotions complete their brief cycle. Breathe, watch and wait until your sense of well-being is restored. Take heart…your courage here will strengthen you as an individual and profoundly deepen your relationship.